Friday, July 10, 2009

"Puns of fun"

Keeping things light from time to time is strongly encouraged on our sites! Here is a list of puns that a friend sent me. Hope you enjoy these “puns of fun”:

1. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

8. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

12. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his Grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

14. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

8 Comments:

At 12:37 PM, Blogger CynthiaBC said...

*groan*

Fortunately you're safely away at GW, else I'd set my daughter and her (limited) repertoire of knock-knock jokes in your direction.

 
At 10:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A few more -

1. A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. "Are you the friar?" he asks. "No. I'm the chip monk," he replies.

2. Priests make sure they use the correct syn-tax.

3. I know Catholics are weightless in space, but do they have mass?

4. A reformed arsonist was in confession. He began, "Bless me Father for I have singed."

5. Two churches being built in a race to completion were on a steeple chase.

6. The earliest mention of cars is in the Bible when Adam and Eve were driven out of the Garden of Eden.

 
At 11:26 PM, Anonymous mindy said...

No pun, but a bit of a conversation between my kids on the way to the beach:

Olivia (6), "Did God make all things?"

Me, "Yes."

Olivia, "Why did God make Poisin Ivy?"

Kiki (9), "Poisin Ivy must be good for something or God wouldn't have made it. It's just not good for us. Some things God makes aren't good for us."

Olivia, "Like lightening?"

Rachel (13), "No, more like really big sharks."

Olivia, "Mommy, do I have to go swimming?"

 
At 9:15 AM, Anonymous mindy said...

On a more serious note-

One of the students at SAA and his mother, Tarik Green and Angela Hetah have been active in working towards legislation to increase cancer funding. Tarik is currently undergoing treatment for lukemia. Here's and article from the post which highlights their efforts. Click on the photos to see more of Tarik and his mom's efforts-

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/01/AR2009070101429.html

 
At 8:23 PM, Blogger CynthiaBC said...

For tonight’s dinner my husband C (the family cook) grilled a pork tenderloin.

C: …and the tenderloin is seasoned with Grains of Paradise
c: Daddy, what’s grains of paradise?
Me: Daddy ground up bits of Heaven and put it on the meat.
C: Which means it’ll REALLY be delicious and you have to eat all of it.
Me: AND all of the zucchini.
c: (looking askance at the zucchini) Paradise is another way of saying Heaven?
Me: Yes, sweetie.
c: Oh. (brightly) So NOW I know what they mean in that song Two Tickets to Paradise.
C & Me: (with raised eyebrows) Oh?
c: It’s two old people and they’re going to die soon.
(C and I look incredulously at each other)

C: *snurk* um…how so?
c: Because Paradise is Heaven, and old people go to Heaven.

 
At 11:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aren't kids great?!! So simple and pure.

 
At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain.

 
At 5:40 AM, Blogger Jessica said...

You may be able to stay clean and sober for periods of time, but without a medical detox program and drug addiction treatment, you cannot hope to stay away from drugs and alcohol forever.

 

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